Caught in Suspension
by eMmerzx3
Summary: Keith is gone, leaving Lucas and Karen to deal with the aftermath. Lucas has always been the person other people turn to, but who can he turn to now to help him? [LP]
1. End of Normalcy

"_She's hurt, man…" his words were soft, pleading beyond belief. Honestly, he was scared out of his mind. He was scared for his own life, and he was even more scared for the life in his arms; the straight haired blonde who had already faced this reality, the reality of having a gun pointing at you and not knowing what to do. The reality knowing that your death was no longer an event in the future. The reality that a simple pull of that single trigger could mean the end of anything you ever had planned for your life. "If I don't get her out of here soon, she's going to die." Peyton was the reason he wasn't already shot._

"_You two get out of here…now," Keith appeared around the corner, pointing at the two teenagers standing by the broken glassed door. A look of confusion and thanks crossed the young boy's face. "Go." He stood in front of the two, blocking any chance of a bullet slicing through the air into them. He followed them to the corner, until he knew there was no chance of them being injured more than they already had been. "You don't want to do this…" his voice was solemn toward the one person who could decide whether he lived or died. "Put the gun down…Lucas."_

_**I can barely breathe.  
Cause I'm caught in suspension.**_

It could've easily been anyone else. Jimmy. He was just like the rest of us, trying to find his way, just not succeeding. Or giving up hope of succeeding, ending a never-ending battle of belonging. A never-ending battle of time. He snapped out of his daydream, hearing a knock at his door.

"Hi…" the blonde turned his head toward his bedroom door, seeing Peyton standing on crutches. Dressed in his tuxedo, he remained seated on his bed, silence overcoming the two of them now. She slowly made her way fully into his bedroom, her crutches tucked securely under her arms.

"You were released today?" _Great timing, _he thought to himself.

"Yeah, I just came from the hospital actually, and I wanted to see how you were doin-"

"How do you think I'm doing!" He cut her off, startling her a bit with his voice which was harsh and cold. His eyes, eyes which were always full of emotion or light, now dull, the color seeming to fade out of them. "Peyt, I'm sorry, I shouldn't snap at you."

"Luke, it's okay, you don't have to explain anything to me, alright?" He nodded slowly, thanking her without words. "I know how easy it is to push people away, I do…" her voice was trailing off slowly. "Just know…that I'm here for you, Luke, I am, whenever you need it, no questions asked. Even if you don't want to say anything." She looked down at her crutches before beginning to turn around to leave.

"Peyton…" She turned to face him, finally seeing his eyes tear. "Could…um, could you go with me?"

For the first time, she saw the pain in his eyes. For the first time, it was him who needed help, and it was her who could help. She was the only one who could. She may have not known exactly what he was going through, but she knew what and what not to say. Slowly, she made her way toward him, extending her hand out to his once she reached him. "You don't even have to ask…" she felt his hand take hers in his own, giving it a light squeeze before standing up next to her. "Is Brooke coming?"

"I don't know, I haven't talked to her lately," he answered honestly. She was surprised at his answer, usually, Brooke would try to do too much, too soon. "I've kind of been avoiding her calls…"

"Just as long as you know that a lot of people care about you okay?" Their hands remained intertwined as she looked at him directly. "We may not know how you feel, but you're not alone in this, neither is your mom."

"Thanks, Peyton…"

"Don't thank me. I'm just being a friend." She answered with a smile crossing her face.

"No, you're not." She looked back up at him, sort of confused. "You don't know how much this means to me…"

She erased her look of confusion off of her face, replacing it once again with another smile. Reaching her arms up, they hooked around his neck slowly, his doing the same around her waist. His head rested against her shoulder softly as she played with the tips of his hair with her fingertips. He held onto her tightly, her laying her crutches onto his bed. "We should get going," she whispered into his ear. "Your mom's already there right?" He nodded before handing her the crutches, holding her waist gently as she situated herself. "Thanks…"

"Don't thank me. I'm just being a friend…" he mocked her jokingly, the first smile she's seen all day cross his face.


	2. Sober Thoughts, Drunken Words

**Thank you guys for the reviews. I noticed, ****_Leytonunit_****, that you had a question regarding the beginning of the first chapter. The beginning of that chapter was sort of like a daydream of Lucas'. I put Lucas into Jimmy's position, and later specified the reason why. As a result of last night's episode, clearly a lot of people, including Lucas, blamed Jimmy for everything that happened. I wanted to show that Jimmy could have been anyone else who felt disoriented from the world around them. Sorry I didn't make that as clear. I was going to in the beginning, but I had to get off and wanted to post the first chapter before I went to bed. But from now on, like most of my other fanfics, flashbacks and dream sequences will be shown in _italics_. I just find it easier that way; for me to type and also for people to read.**

**I was sort of disappointed from last night's episode, so for the most part, this fanfic most likely from now on will NOT follow what's happening in the show. I don't like the looks of next week either since they're shoving Peyton off with someone else while everyone else is hooking up. Peyton will never be that kind of person to me, and I probably wouldn't even be able to write her that way if I tried.**

**Hope you enjoy this chapter! Maybe more than some of you enjoyed last night's episode. **

**Love, Emily**

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Peyton slowly made her way out of Brooke's convertible BMW bug, Brooke already standing right next to her with her crutches. With a smile, Peyton took them from her, situating herself before they both headed toward their school. She stopped with Brooke, both of them looking up at the building, noticing the plants that had been there for years but never had been noticed before. No one ever took the time to look around them. Not until now.

* * *

"_Somebody has a gun inside, they're shooting…" Brooke crashed into Lucas' chest heatedly, tearful, and out of breath. "I lost Peyton!"_

"_Wai-Wait, Peyton was shot!"_

_

* * *

_It was the first day Tree Hill High would be open since the incidents of last week. School was starting late, ten in the morning, ironically, just around the same time the madness ended days prior. The two best friends weren't surprised to see a line forming outside the front entrance, two metal detectors now sitting in the doorways accompanied by police officers. They joined the lines uncomfortably. It was relatively quiet, confusion, fear, and sadness crossing peoples' faces. No one had anything to say, just a few awkward smiles, a few comforting hugs; a lot of silence.

"Hey, Peyton, how are you?" She almost didn't hear her own name, the silence overcoming her, pushing her mind back into the memories of what was left of their school. It was Bevin standing next to her, a small smile appearing on her face.

"I'm okay…" was her simple answer. That's all that needed to be said.

* * *

"_No, don't leave me, please!" Her eyes were pleading with him, becoming widened with just the idea of him leaving her alone again. He shushed her quickly, holding her face in his hands, drowning her worries with a simple look of his eyes._

"_I'm not leaving you, Peyton." His words were simple and direct. "I promise…"_

_

* * *

_"P. Sawyer, you ready?" Brooke rubbed her shoulder lightly, the second person to knock her out of her own thoughts in the past two minutes. With a not so sure smile, she nodded, handing over her bag to security, watching him tear through the contents of her messenger bag. Her bag was handed back to her rather roughly; shoved almost. She took it quickly and followed Brooke into the school.

There was a small memoriam in front of Jimmy's locker which consisted of a small poster, a few candles, and flowers laid on the ground against it. Both of them slowed down in front of it, along with the handful of students who beat them to it. Mouth made his way toward the front of the small crowd until finally standing just in front of the lit votive candles. His eyes soon filled with tears, and he excused himself, heading down the hallway toward the bathroom.

"I'm going to go follow him, will you be okay?" Brooke asked, one of her hands on moving onto Peyton's shoulder.

"Yeah, I'll be fine…" She smiled as Brooke disappeared behind the group of people surrounding them. Slowly, she made her way to her locker, watching as the crowd died down, one by one.

* * *

"_If I say, I love you right now, will you hold it against me?" She looked toward the blonde sitting next to her, blinking back tears as her own voice cracked. His face changed slightly, and she wasn't sure what to think of it. "Come here…" she tilted her head up, capturing his lips briefly with her own with a small peck. _

"_Just in case you can't keep your promise…"_

_

* * *

_"Shit…" she cursed herself as a book fell from her grasp.

"A little klutzy there aren't you, hobbles?" Nathan slowly bent down, picking the book up for her and grabbing all the others from her grasp. "You're supposed to have someone carry these you know?" He smirked at her as she shut her locker, beginning to hand him her backpack as well. "I didn't mean backpacks, I meant books, weakling." Peyton smiled, threatening to hit him by lifting her crutch slightly.

Nathan put his arm out in front of her, surprising her slightly as she looked up to see what he was looking at. It didn't take long. It was Luke. But it wasn't. He was drunk, or close to it, and the two of them knew it right away. She hurried toward him, Nathan behind her, hoping too many people weren't too interested in the scene he was most likely about to throw out. "Luke, come on, let's go…" she reached for his arm, but he pulled it away.

"Lucas, let's go man, seriously. Don't do this."

"Do what? Something stupid like I don't know, bring a gun to school?" A few people were turning their heads at his comment, his voice slightly slurred. "I thought that's what people did here when they wanted everyone else to feel sorry for them."

"Luke, come on," she slightly pulled at his arm, trying to avoid the stares that were being thrown at her, Lucas, and Nathan.

"Lucas, it's not worth it, let's go." Nathan was a bit more direct, trying to be more persuading.

* * *

"_Drinking through the pain?" He turned to her face, watching as the smile faded, a slight nod taking its place. A look of concern crossed his face as she made herself comfortable on the hotel bed._

_

* * *

_"Keith is worth it!" his voice was strong and threatening. "And if I hadn't have come back in here, he'd still be alive."

Peyton looked up at him, trying to see if he'd take back what he just said. Trying to see if he'd realize what he just said. He didn't. "Yeah, and you would've been at my funeral…" She grabbed her books from Nathan and made her way out of the school, not turning around to see if anyone followed.


	3. Your Eyes Tell the Same

**AN-Thanks for the reviews. And also thanks to the people who may be reading but not reviewing. I'm on some sort of updating kick, so I'll post the next chapter and possibly one more. It just depends on when I get tired. I have a three day weekend this weekend though so I'll try and get as many updates done as I can.**

**Love, Emily**

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He quickly realized where he was as his eyes fluttered open slowly. Looking around briefly, he found the person he was looking for quickly; Peyton. Her back was turned to him, and she was drawing at her computer desk, her crutches lying to her side. "There's a glass of water and two aspirin on the table…" her voice surprised him since he wasn't sure she could even see him. She seemed annoyed, bothered by the fact that he was there.

"What am I doing here?" the palm of his left hand cupped the side of his head, closing his eyes tightly as he felt why she had left him the aspirin.

"Nathan dropped you off." Her back was still facing him. "He had to get back to school."

"Why aren't you there?"

"Didn't really feel like being there anymore…" She wasn't explaining anything to him, and he realized it quickly. She answered his questions with simple answers, without going into any sort of details why. Right now, if it were up to her, he didn't deserve it, no matter how drunk he was.

"Peyton, what's wrong?" He asked finally, realizing that she was upset, just not knowing it was because of him; like usual.

"Lucas, now is really not the time to bring it up, okay?" She finally turned to face him in her chair. "I'll end up saying something I'll regret, and your head is probably in three different places anyway." She turned her chair back to face her computer, picking up her drawing once again to continue it.

"Well obviously it's important because you're clearly upset about it." He stood up and began walking toward her slowly. "Come on, Peyt, just tell me what happened."

"You regret going back into the school, Luke because you think that's the reason Keith is dead." She stared at him blankly, placing her drawing back onto the desk next to her. "I'm trying so hard not to take it critically, Lucas, I am because I know you're hurting. I do, and I know how it feels when drinking seems like the only escape away from it all." She watched him walk closer to her, but couldn't stop talking. "I just can't keep trying to be there for you, and then you shooting me down. I'm just trying to help, trying to give you space."

"Pey-"

"And I know you were drunk, but a lot of truth comes out when you don't have anything stopping you from saying how you feel." She looked up at him since he had finally reached the point where he was standing right in front of her. Her eyes were tearing, and she couldn't help it anymore. Drained; she was tired, overwhelmed, and upset with how everything was falling apart. She knew it was coming, she knew in the library when she thought she was going to die. But saying and experiencing are two completely different aspects.

"A lot of truth comes out when you think you're close to death too, right?"

"Lucas, now isn't the time to talk about that, please…" she sighed, he always had to make it about her. Trying to move away, he stepped in front of her abruptly.

"No, no, I want to talk about it, Peyton." His voice was direct. "I don't want to talk about how I'm doing anymore. I'm sick of the attention, and you're the only one who will let it go instead of pressuring me for an answer. You're the only one I can talk to right now without feeling awkward, and I want to talk about what happened."

"You want to know what happened?" She asked as he nodded slightly. "I thought I was dying, Luke, alright? I didn't know if I was going to even make it out of that library, and that feeling scared me, knowing that you were there but couldn't do anything except try to make me feel better. Knowing that I could die right in front of your face without you knowing how I feel." Tears rolled down her cheeks. This was what she was most afraid of, opening up and breaking down to the one person she didn't want to collapse in front of; especially with everything he was going through himself.

He was silent, again.

"And this is why I didn't want to talk about it, Luke…" She sighed up at him. "It's just going to be awkward now, just like befor-"

"I love you too, Peyton…" he whispered gently, cutting her off this time. "I do, alright? A part of me always will. You were the first person I ever did, but I was afraid to say it. Maybe I was like you, afraid of getting too close, but that doesn't matter anymore. I'm sorry for what I said this morning, but I hope you know that that's not how I feel. Keith would've gone back into that school if I was in there or not, and I don't know what I'd do if I lost you too…" He wiped single tears away with his thumb, keeping his callused hands against her cheeks. "I just owe it to Brooke, to you even, to be the better person for her." He tucked single strands of hair behind her ears, smiling softly as she nodded in agreement.

"You should, um, go see Brooke…" she changed the subject. "I'm positive she's pretty worried about you."

"I'll stop by before I go home okay?" He pulled her close to him, wrapping his arms securely around her waistline as she comfortably rested her head against his chest.

"Thank you, Lucas…"

"You're welcome," his lips grazed her forehead. "We're just going to help each other through this whole mess, alright? Just you and me."

She nodded with a slight smile before grabbing hold of her crutches again. "And Lucas?" he turned around to face her again.

"I'll wait forever if I have to…"


	4. Give Your Heart a Chance

**Nch AN-Thank you guys for the reviews that were left. I really appreciate the comments made, positive and negative. Once again, any suggestions you all may have, feel free to leave them in a review, or even through my AIM (justemily01). I may not always be at the computer, but my away message is usually always up, so you can always leave messages there.**

**And about Lucas and Peyton getting together, haha, it's killing me to have to write Brucas right now. But I'm having LP take it slow, not Jake and Peyton slow by the way. Lucas and Peyton have never been rushed, and I don't want them to be.**

**The song used in this update is "Everything I'm Not" by The Veronicas. I do not in any way own anything of theirs, yadda yadda yadda. All credit of usage of this song is to them.**

**Love, Emily.**

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"What are you doing out here?" He walked up the walkway and saw his girlfriend sitting outside on the steps to her porch. "Hey…what is it?" Her eyes avoided his, and he felt her flinch slightly when he began caressing her back. She stood up soon afterwards, bringing her hand to her mouth to muffle any cries that may escape from it. "Brooke…"

"Peyton told me you were coming."

"So why are you outside? You're going to freeze out here…" He stood up next to her, trying to reach for her arms, but she shook her head, backing away from his reach once again.

"Lucas, I can't do this anymore…" her voice was barely audible, a mere whisper. A look of confusion crossed over his face, seeing her eyes begin to release tears which had been building in her eyes ever since he showed up. "I can't keep pretending this is all okay when it's not. It can't be anymore."

_**I was losing myself to somebody else  
But now I see  
I don't wanna pretend  
So this is the end of you and me**_

"Brooke what are you talking about?" He had an idea, but he didn't know what to say.

"I haven't talked to you since the day of the shooting, Luke! I've been trying to give you space, letting you be the one to come to me when you're ready, but you never have…" She couldn't stop the tears rolling down her cheeks anymore, so she let them fall freely. "You keep turning to Peyton, and it hurts me, Luke, more than you'd ever understand…" He stared at her blankly, knowing she was right. "It's not that I don't trust you or her…" Her voice trailed off.

"Then what is it, Brooke? Because that's what relationships are built off of, right? Trust? And I thought we agreed that we were going to do that this time." His voice was raising, and he didn't mean it to, especially since he knew this wasn't her fault.

"Then why can't you trust me enough to talk to me like you have been to Peyton?" Her voice was rising as well because she knew he was avoiding her point she was trying to make. "I wanted to help you through this, but you turned to Peyton before I even had a chance, and since then, all you've been doing is shutting me out."

"Brooke…"

"And honestly, I can't be mad at you or her…because I know how you two feel about each other, and how you always will feel about each other." She bit her lip gently as their eyes met, her glassy ones staring directly into his. "And I've always known, and so have you two, I just get in your way…"

_**Cause the girl that you want  
She was tearing us apart  
Cause she's everything**_

"Brooke, I love you," he cupped her face in his hands, rubbing her tears away with his thumbs, trying to persuade with her.

"Yeah but you love her too…" she said softly, "and don't say you don't, okay? 'Cause it's okay."

"Broo-"

"Life's too short, Luke, go give your heart a chance, it's what you've been waiting for since before I even met you, hell, even while we dated the first time." She smiled slightly toward him. "No one's stopping you, not me, not Jake. Just tell her how you feel, and see where it goes okay? You both deserve it."

"Brooke, why are you doing this?" He didn't know what else to say other than why.

"The same reason you gave up being with Peyton by calling Jake." She saw the look on his face. "Best friends tell each other everything, Luke, you should've gotten that by now." She smiled toward him softly. "I'll talk to you later, okay? Trust your heart. You may love me, but you've already given your heart away, a long time ago…to my best friend." She went back up the stairs into the apartment, excusing herself away from him before she changed her mind; before she could actually realize what she had just done.

"_Life's too short, Luke…"_

_**Everything I'm not**_

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"Hey, how'd it go?" Peyton slowly got her crutches and headed toward him.

"The usual, you know, just breaking up, nothing crucial."


	5. Let it Out

**AN-Nothing much to say except once again, thank you guys for the reviews. I'm sorry this chapter is a bit shorter than the rest. I'll try and get another update or two up today.**

**Love, Emily**

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"Lucas, wh-"

He shook his head slowly, cutting her off from to avoid him having to say what just happened again. "Can…we just not talk about it?" His eyes were different than earlier, dull, and seeming to fill with tears. So much had happened this past week, and he didn't even have time to process it all anymore. He didn't have the energy to fight anymore. He was done; it was long overdue, yet so expected. It was only a matter of time before he let go.

"Luke…" She put her hand out to him, "come here…" She positioned herself upright on her bed, making sure her left leg was still elevated on one of her pillows. He sat down next to her, and she pulled herself to him quickly, their arms accommodating each others. "I'm sorry…" She soothed, whispering into his ear. He didn't know what he wanted anymore. Two weeks ago, it would've been easy; Brooke. Now it wasn't as clear as it was supposed to be. She pulled away from him slightly, holding his face in her hands. "What am I going to do with you, huh?" A small smile played across her lips. "I get shot, and you're the one being consoled." He smiled at her joke as her hands trailed down his cheeks onto his chest.

"Would it be wrong if I wanted to kiss you right now?" Her eyes widened slightly, no words leaving her mouth. He inched forward slowly before a knock interrupted them both.

"Interrupting something?"

"Dad…" She backed away from Lucas quickly, him letting go of the hold on her waist. They both sat there awkwardly, the space between them growing.

"So do I get a hug, or are those just for rakeboy here?" Peyton shot him a small glare before reaching toward her crutches, securing herself on them before moving toward her dad. "Told you I'd only be gone for a day or two." She smiled as her head rested on his shoulder, eyes closed. He pulled away, kissing his daughter's forehead before moving toward her bed. "Lucas, I can't thank you enough for saving my little girl…" He took Lucas' hand and shook it slowly.

"You're not the only one who can't imagine life without her." Peyton looked toward him and smiled, their eyes meeting once again.

"Alright, I'll leave you two alone, but Peyton?" She broke her contact with Lucas and looked toward her father, "No babies okay? Don't make me old by being a grandfather yet okay?" Embarrassed, she looked down at the ground with a slight smile. "Thanks again, Lucas…" He kissed Peyton's forehead one last time before excusing himself out of her room.

"My dad…" She shook her head with a small chuckle.

"He really loves you, Peyt…"

Keith. It was who he was thinking about, and she knew it.

"Keith would be so proud of you right now, you know that?" He shrugged it off with a sigh, still looking toward the floor. "No, really, Lucas, he would. All he did that day is what you did; which was putting other peoples' lives before your own. If that's not enough to make a parent proud of you, then I don't know what is…" He finally looked up at her, his eyes glassy against her light illuminating from the lamp beside her bed. "And he was your father, Lucas, no matter what any DNA tests prove. That doesn't prove anything. It's who you love that's your family."

"The family we were going to be…" He said softly, a mere whisper. "He was going to adopt me, Peyton, after my mom and him got married."

"All that would of done, Lucas, is to make it official. He's been your father since the day Dan decided not to be." She moved toward him and grabbed his hands, slowly intertwining them with her own. "He still is your father, Luke, he always will be."

"Peyt…" She looked up and met his eyes with her own. "Can I stay with you tonight?"

Her head tilted upward as their lips met briefly, pulling apart as soon as they melded together. "As long as you need…" He sat down on her bed and watched as she moved toward the other side. "You don't have to do this alone, Luke."

"I know." They both lied down looking up toward the ceiling. She felt him move closer, and before she knew it, his arm was wrapped along her side, cradling her body as his own.

She was safe.


	6. Perfect Timing

**Sorry it took a little longer guys. I wanted to post a chapter last night, but my town was hit by storms, and even a tornado touchdown. My house is fine, it was the other side of town, but my power was knocked out. I have my laptop, but the battery's running low, so I can only be on for small amounts of time since I don't know when my power will be back on. So I'm sorry this chapter's a bit shorter than the others. I threw it together really quickly during school.**

**I'll update as soon as I can.**

**Love, Emily**

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"Lucas…wake up." Her hand ran through his hair gently, brushing her smooth skin of her hand across his cheek on occasion. "Good morning…" her voice was soft, her stand still grazing across his face as his arm remained securely around her from the previous night.

"Morning…"

"You should probably go see your mom before school, she's probably worried about you. I called her after Nathan dropped you off yesterday, but haven't talked to her since." He nodded in response, thanking her with no words; he didn't have to speak, she already knew. "So go grab a quick shower, and I'll go find something to eat, alright?" They both got up from her bed slowly, leaving the mess behind them. "Towels are in the cabinet under the sink."

"Hey Peyton?" She turned her face back toward his. "Thanks…really."

"What'd I tell you about thanking me?" He smiled slightly at her before disappearing behind her bathroom door.

* * *

"You know, if you need a shirt to wear for now, you can borrow one of my dad's." She laughed as she saw him walk into the kitchen with just a simple towel wrapped around his waist. "Anyways, I guess my dad got an early start this morning…" Holding a note for him to see, he nodded before walking behind her. 

"By the way…" He leant down close to her ear, "I don't need a shirt. I'm sure you want to see me half-naked anyway…"

"Not like I haven't seen it all before…nothing special," she teased back, gently shoving him backwards with her left hand, her other still stirring the pan on the stove.

* * *

_The two share a brief smile, her hand cradling the side of his face, before leaning his lips down to hers, trailing his lips from hers down to her neck. Her neck arched slowly, mouth opening in ecstasy, accommodating him nicely. He nestles his head forward, gliding his lips over her beating pulse point before pulling himself upward._

_"Ow…" He brings his head back toward hers slowly, "Ow, my hair."_

_"Sorry…" He rests his head, quite uncomfortably, near hers as her arms loop around his neck, searching for the clasp on the necklace._

_"There…" she smiles slightly as she puts the necklace in front of her, beginning to untangle her own curls out of it._

_"Brooke."_

_"What?"_

_"Brooke gave me that necklace." She stared at him, wide-eyed, finally realizing what they had just done. The same guilt was in his eyes; the guilt that was nowhere to be seen ten minutes ago. "You know, we, um…we probably should get going…"_

_"Yeah…" She nodded, nervously._

_"Okay." He awkwardly moved off of her, leaving her laying on the bed, unsure of what to do._

* * *

"Alright, so I've got eggs and waffles…" She grabbed her crutches lying by the stove and went toward the table where he was sitting. "What?" She saw the smirk on his face. 

"Weird combination don't you think?"

"Well I didn't know what you wanted, so I figured you'd at least like one of the two." He smiled before placing some food on the plate in front of him.

"So who would've thought Peyton Sawyer could cook…"

"I kind of had to learn." She looked down slowly at the table, "After my mom died, since my dad was never around."

_Idiot._ "Pey, I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking…" He tried getting her to look it up, but it didn't work. She shrugged it off, playing with the fork on her plate gently.

"So are you ready?" He nodded as they both stood up from the table. Handing her crutches to her, he held her steadily as she situated them securely under her arms.

"Got it?"

"Uh-huh, thanks."

"So you can thank me, but I can't thank you?" He joked, walking with her toward the stairs. They reached the foot of them, "Peyt, what are you doing?" he asked as she began placing her crutches to the side.

"Could you carry these u-LUCAS!" She screeched as he lifted her up, beginning to climb the steps.

"What?" He held her close to him. "Just make sure the towel doesn't fall okay?" A laugh escaped her lips just before they reached the top.

"Alright, um, I'll change in the closet, you can change out here." She made her way toward her closet and shut the door behind her. "You done?" She called out after a few minutes.

"Yeah, just need to get my shirt. You can come out though…" she walked out, a white tank top and a simple pair of jeans with a button-up shirt in her hand.

"Hey Peyton do you need a ri-," the brunette appeared in her doorway, freezing in her tracks when she saw what was in front of her. It was her ex, shirtless, her best friend, buttoning up her shirt, and the disheveled bed in front of her. "Never mind…" She left back down the stairs, avoiding conflict, avoiding tears.

"Great…"


	7. It's Not as Easy as You Think

**Luckily for you guys, I'm home sick. Today, and most likely tomorrow too. So, that means updates…hopefully. At least until my mom comes home and kicks me off. I'm trying to get as many updates in as possible on all of my fanfics because I leave for New York next Friday for most of Spring Break. So, I hope you enjoy this chapter. There's also a slight flashback in this chapter, from season one. :)**

**This chapter is told in Peyton's point of view.**

**Love, Emily**

**

* * *

**  
I wasn't as naïve as people played me out to be. I know what aspects in my life I need to work on, and I know what I can't have. Most especially, I know what I can't have will cause me the most pain, anguish. That would be Lucas. Knowing I can't have someone who is standing right in front of me is what mine and Lucas' friendship is all about. Ironically, it's mainly because of the one person who just recently thought she had me all figured out, Lucas too. But how can I expect to throw myself out to someone who is still entangled in someone else; when Lucas still holds my best friend's heart. That's what Brooke doesn't see; that the only person presenting qualities of being utterly naïve is herself…and herself only.

The more you show your feelings, the more people can find ways to hurt you.

I glanced over toward Lucas briefly, the first time either one of us has looked at each other since we left my house. I could see it in his eyes, they were a reflection of my own; confusion mostly. His hands shifted on my steering wheel, and I know he could sense my eyes burning on his skin. The rest of the car ride was deafening my ears of silence, and for the first time in almost a week, I was nearly relieved of being away from him. For the first time in almost a week, I didn't let him help me as I got my crutches out of the backseat, I didn't let him help me carry my things, I didn't let him help me even out my own life, and I didnt let him help me fall for him anymore.

"Brooke!" I called out after regaining my belongings from one of the security guards at the front entrance. She briefly turned her head, beginning to walk further down the hallway once she saw who was calling out to her. I wished I wasn't on crutches anymore as I followed, finally cornering her at her locker. She possessed the same silence Lucas had this morning, and I regretted chasing after her almost instantly.

"What, Peyton?" At least she knew how to speak; earned her a plus.

"Listen, what you saw this morni-"

"Peyton, no offense, but I really don't need to hear the details." She slammed her locker and looked toward me. "If you didn't realize, this morning wasn't a dream, and seeing it for myself hurts enough."

"Brooke, nothing happened!" I stopped her as she tried walking away. "He was upset from you breaking up with him last night, so he spent the night, that's all." She remained silent. "Come on, Brooke, you know how much he's dealing with right now…"

"No, Peyton, I don't!" Her voice was breaking, and her eyes were tearing quickly. "How could I possibly know what he's dealing with if you're the only one he's talked to since it happened?" It was my turn to be silent; it was true. Lucas even admitted he was avoiding her calls to me. "I can't watch him fall for you again, Peyton, I won't. And that's what's going to happen-"

"Brooke, how could you possibly know that?"

"Because I'll never have his heart like he has mine, Peyton, you already have it. And that's never going to change, no matter how many other girls he dates." I released my hold on her arm and dropped my shoulders in defeat. "I'm not mad at you two, really, I just need some time by myself to get over it, okay?" I nodded as I watched her walk down the hallway, disappearing along the corner as quickly as she left.

"Hey Peyton, how are you?" I cocked my head to see Haley and smiled slightly before giving her a small hug. "I know we haven't really talked too much lately."

"I'm fine…kind of want to get out of here, but I want to graduate more, so I have no choice." I gave a small, reassuring smile before shrugging my shoulders briefly. "Listen, I've got to get to class, so I'll see you around…" I excused myself quickly as I saw Lucas walking toward Haley. Preventing the expected awkwardness that would come along with him was easier than not catching up with Haley just yet.

"Hey, Peyton!"

**Or not.**

I turned to face him slowly, and I knew what was coming; nothing. "Lucas, honestly, if you don't have anything to say, and if this is just going to be a continuation of this morning, then I'm just going to go to class…" I turned around to leave again, disappointed and annoyed with him as he remained in his fit of silence.

"Peyton…"

I couldn't help wanting to be with him, or the fact that no matter how mad I was, I could never walk away from him. He had that annoying hold on me, my heart. "What do you want from me, Lucas?"

"I want you to wait for me…" I scoffed at his comment.

"A little selfish there, don't you think?"

"No." His answers were direct and simple.

"And why's that?" He stepped closer toward me, and I knew what he was going to do. His hands cupped my face, his lips meeting mine slowly. I swallowed the air caught in my throat as he broke apart.

"Because you want the same things I do." His eyes were still locked with mine. "And I'm pretty sure you know that the only thing stopping…this," he looked down my face, toward my lips, "is just working this whole thing with Brooke out. And I'm also pretty sure that scares you. The fact that you just lost your excuse of not being with me."

* * *

"_And I'm pretty sure…that I don't need you at all."_

"_Pretty sure?" He asked cockily._

_

* * *

_  
"Pretty sure?" We shared a smile before I left where we were standing, heading toward my first class.


	8. Trying to Heal

I'm sorry it took so long to update. I was really slammed with homework this past week. It's spring break now, and I'm not going to New York City as planned. Long story. But I'll have a lot more time to update hopefully since I'm stuck in my house all day. Like always, flashbacks are in_ italics._

Love, Emily

* * *

"Hey, no crutches?" His head nodded toward her knee, now only covered with a simple, black brace comfortably wrapped around it. She stopped tying her shoe and looked up toward him, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips.

"Nope. Just no strenuous activity, and I'll be fine without them…" Her voice trailed off as she stood, looking at herself in her mirror. "So that means no cheerleading on the sidelines for me," she continued staring into the glass in front of her, the uniform form-fitting her every curve on her body, enhancing her never-ending legs.

"Hey, at least you're not completely hopeless anymore." She smiled at his sarcasm, watching him walk toward her through the reflection.

"Not completely." His arms wrapped around her waist from behind. Looking into his eyes through the mirror, her hands found his, holding a place on top of them.

"I'm really glad you're okay, Peyton."

"Me too. Thank you, Lucas…" She watched his expression turn to a questionable one. "For helping things get back to normal." He kissed the side of her head in thanks, letting his lips linger while her eyes closed, relaxing into his hold on her.

"Alright, we better get going…"

"Oh yeah, I wouldn't want to be late for something I can't even participate in right?" She snaked out of his grasp as she walked toward her bag sitting on the bed. "Just give me a minute to change, I'll be right out." She disappeared behind her bathroom door, Lucas finding a seat on her bed patiently.

She came out moments later, quickly, as promised. Draping her bag over her shoulder, she made her way toward where Lucas was sitting. "Let's go." His arm wrapped around her back as they made their way out of her room, toward her car.

* * *

"Hey…you alright?" His face was staring straight, his mind obviously tied on something as the two of them remained in the parking lot. "You know, Whitey would understand if you weren't ready yet."

"I'll be fine." He snapped out of himself, facing her with a look of reassurance. "You need any help getting inside?"

"I'm fine, Luke, I'm not fragile." She smiled at his sense of worry for her constantly. It was nice to know he cared. "Good luck tonight, Lucas."

"Thanks, I'll see you after the game?" She nodded in response before he planted a quick kiss on her forehead. Her eyes watched him walk into the old gym until he disappeared behind the doorway.

"Hey."

Her head turned abruptly toward the passenger seat window, seeing Brooke standing outside. "Mind if I sit?" Peyton shook her head, no, unlocking the door to allow her inside.

"Are we talking?" Peyton asked, noticing the awkwardness between them.

"We're not, not talking." Brooke said simply. "You're still my best friend, P. Sawyer, nothing will ever change that. Like I said, I just need some time to get over it, okay?"

"Brooke you know I wouldn't do anything that'll hurt you, right?"

"Yeah, but you want to be with Lucas…and like I also said, that's okay."

"Not if Lucas is still in love with you." Peyton looked toward her, waiting for any look of response.

"Give that some time, and that'll change too." The two of them stayed silent for a few minutes. "But I hope you know, now that you have two legs and not three," she joked, referring to her crutches as an extra set of legs, "I expect to see you back at practice soon."

"Tell that to my doctor, and we'll have a deal." Peyton smirked back.

"I'll see you later, alright Peyton?" She nodded as Brooke got out of the car and walk the same path Lucas had done so minutes earlier. After a few minutes, she got out as well, walking not toward the gym, but toward the boy's locker room.

* * *

Lucas stepped onto the court, blocking the cheerleaders and the crowd's sounds with his thoughts, holding his jersey close where Keith's initials were newly embroidered on their uniforms. 

_"I do play," Lucas argued back in a calm matter, "every night." _

_ "It's not the same, Luke." _

_ "Why?" He threw his hands up in question. "What makes it less of a game if people don't see it?" _

_ "I'll tell you why," Keith faced him directly. "When I was a kid, my father took me to _ _Raleigh__ to see David Thompson play. I was nine years old, and I couldn't have cared less about basketball." He caught Lucas' eyes, making sure he was still listening. "But when Thompson stepped on the court, he was so young, so quick, and just so graceful that I was mesmerized. I couldn't take my eyes off him until late in the game, and I look up at my dad, and he's got tears in his eyes." Lucas gave him a confusing glare. "14,000 strangers, and my father's crying because he's so beautiful. He played with such poetry that he made us feel like we were a part of it." Keith stepped closer to his nephew, his next words crisp and clear. "You have a gift, Luke, and it's a crime not to let people see it, to hide it in the park. It's a damn shame. That's why. _

He got halfway to the bench, silence overcoming him, before he gave Nathan an apologetic look and beginning his way back toward the locker room. Tears were building in his eyes, on instinct. He stopped in his tracks when he saw Peyton standing right in front of him when the door was opened. "What're you doing here?"

"I knew you'd come back."

"How?"

"Because you're just like me, remember?" She closed the gap between the two of them and hooked her arms around his neck. "You're not the only one who can help other people, Luke, let me help." Her words were soft, soothing them into his ears.

"I thought I was read-"

"Shh, I know." Her hands ran through his hair gently. "I know."


	9. You're Not Going to Lose Me

**Thanks again for everyone who has been reviewing. Like I've said before, I love reading them. Sorry my chapters are a little on the shorter side. I always try to make them a tad longer, but it never works out for me. But I figure you guys would rather have more short updates than fewer long updates since it'd probably take me longer to write those. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter. You've probably noticed on how Peyton's always taken Lucas' side and understood his actions throughout this fanfic, but this chapter's a bit different.**

**Love, Emily**

**

* * *

**"Luke?"

Silence.

Getting up from her computer, she quietly made her way toward her bed. "Luke?" She repeated, whispering before she sat on one of the corners. He was asleep, his legs bent slightly upward toward his chest, still dressed in his basketball jersey. "I wish I knew what was going on in there…" A sigh left her lips, her hands gently, slowly brushing along one of the sides of his face. Just when she thought he was becoming less distant, he drifted backwards. She was running out of ways to help him, other than the ones she had already tried.

The feel of her cell phone vibrating snapped her attention away from him. 'Karen' flashed against her screen, and she suddenly remembered Lucas hadn't talked to her at all lately. "Hello?"

"Peyton, hi, is Lucas with you?" Her voice was tired, reflecting the way her heart felt.

"Oh God, Karen, I'm so sorry for not calling…" She ran a hand through her hair, wondering how the thought could've slipped both hers and Lucas' minds. "But yeah, he's here." She heard a small sigh of relief over the receiver. "He's asleep right now, but do you want me to have him call when he wakes up?"

"Could you?"

"Yeah, no problem. And I'm really sorry, once again. I know worrying about Lucas is probably the last thing you need right now." She was rambling, like usual when she was nervous.

"It's okay, I figured he'd be with you." Peyton smiled to herself at Karen's comment. "Thanks again, Peyton, goodnight." Karen spoke after a brief moment of awkward silence between the two of them. They both hung up as Peyton turned to Lucas who was surprisingly looking back at her.

"You're up." He nodded slightly toward her. She laid herself back on the bed next to him, "That was your mom, she was worried about you."

"I know."

An annoyed look crossed her face as she let out a small sigh of defeat, "And you didn't get up to talk to her?" She shoved his shoulder playfully. "You should go home and see her. You can come back if you want, but just go see her."

"Kicking me out are you?" He looked over at her with a smirk.

"No, just giving your mom her job back." Her face copied the same smirk as his had just moments earlier. "You're too much to deal with."

"Thanks. So I'll see you soon? I'm just going to get some stuff to wear tomorro-"

"Talk to your mom, Lucas." Her voice was serious, she wasn't going to let him blow off his mom. "Like me, she's trying to help alright?" He nodded, turning his head away from her. "No, Lucas, I need you to promise me you'll talk to her."

"I'll talk to her…"

"Okay." Her answer was simple. "I'll see you later then." They both stood up as she began walking him toward her door. Her hand grabbed his upper arm, pulling his attention back to her before her lips inched upward to his. She didn't know why she did it, she just wanted to, wanted to know this was real, wanted to feel his lips on hers. But unlike before, she didn't regret anything. His hands cupped her face as they pulled away after a few moments. "Go…" she pushed him playfully after watching a smile creep across his face.

_It could actually work._

_

* * *

_  
"Mom?" He knocked on her doorway lightly, hearing soft, muffled sobs from the other end. His hand reached for her doorknob as he walked into her room. "Mom…" Her eyes were reddened, tearing up quickly when they met his own eyes. "I'm sorry." His voice was beginning to crack, quickly feeling himself feel just as disheveled and lost as the sight in front of him. For the first time, he finally let go. No alcohol, no anything, just himself. It was natural, expected, for him to crack. Only so much could be held inside of him for so long. "I should've been here…"

Maybe letting go was what he needed.

* * *

"Hey. Are you okay?" Her eyes searched his, sitting upward on her bed and motioning him to sit down as well. The bag slung over his shoulder fell to the floor, a small bottle falling out of it as the bag fell still. "Oh, I'll get it…" 

"It's okay, I've got i-" His hands reached for the floor, trying to beat hers. It was too late on his part. He watched her face as she held it in her hands, a look of confusion coming over her.

"Wh-what're these for?"

"They're just pills I have. I haven't felt too well lately…" Lie.

"I don't think they put 'fill prescription as needed' on cold medicines, Lucas." Her voice was hard against his ears. The sound of defeat. "What are they for, Luke?" She asked again.

"They're for my heart." He was hoping she'd leave it at that, but then again, he knew her better than that. He saw her face, "I have a heart condition, Peyton…" His voice was soft.

She eyed between him and the bottle within her grasp, waiting for him to call this a joke, waiting for him to say 'April fools' in January. Anything. Anything that would make this all a lie. "Date issued September nineteenth?" She looked at him; not sure if she should feel betrayed, disappointed, or hurt. "Lucas how long have you known? And how long has it been since you've taken these!"

"Since the end of junior year…" He said lowly, trying to avoid her eyes at all costs. "And I haven't been taking them since I was afraid of my mom finding them."

"So you've been playing basketball without medication?" He nodded as she stood up, not wanting to face him. "How could you do that, Luke? You've just realized how hard it is to lose someone, and you've been putting everyone who loves you in that same position? The chance of losing you?" Her eyes were filling with tears. "How could you do that…"

"I'm sorr-"

"You know, Lucas, you've looked both me and now your mom in the eyes, seen how worried we were about you, you've had me tied down to you and opening up my heart again, so how could you possibly be sorry?" Tears rolled down her cheeks.

"Pey-"

"I've been nothing but supportive of you throughout this whole mess, and I've done nothing else but try to give you space. How could you not tell me this?"

"Because you'd just feel sorry for me!" His voice was loud, standing up and walking toward her. "Everyone would! Do you know how it would feel for me to walk into that gym with everyone looking at me like I was already dead?"

"You're not going to die…" She grabbed the sides of his face in her hands. Once again, she couldn't be mad at him.

"Without basketball, Pey, I might as well be."

"So that's all that matters in your life, Luke? A game? Is that what your life is now? A stupid game? Am I just a stupid obstacle within it?" His eyes widened slightly at her tone.

"What do you think, Peyt?" He threw his hands up sarcastically.

"Well what the fuck do you think you're doing Lucas! You're going around playing basketball without medication that you know you need. What else would you call that besides a game? And if it's a game you don't want to play, then do something about it." She was giving up, sitting down in her chair with her face in her hands. Her body shook with anger but mostly fear.

"Peyton…" He pulled her to him, holding her body close against his.

"I don't want to lose you, Luke, I can't…" She muffled into his chest through her own tears.

"You're not going to."


	10. The Truth Sets You Free

**There isn't really too much to say except thank you all that have reviewed and read this story. I really appreciate it, more so than I can type out in words. Anyways, this chapter is told in Lucas' point of view. Hope you enjoy.**

**At the end, it switches back to regular point of view.**

**Love, Emily**

**

* * *

**

Morning. The sun was already shining through the open gapes in the curtains. It was then I realized how long I actually been up, wondering, healing, whatever you'd like to call it. Self-pity possibly. It's what I've been feeling unconsciously for the past couple of weeks. To much of my surprise, it's helped, truth, that is. The thing about truth is, that it hurts, so we lie to escape that feeling of dismay that we're all sure to face sooner or later. Because as much as we don't see, the truth finds a way to come out, sometimes at the most inconvenient times.

Facing death in a library, just for an example.

Maybe I'm selfish. Selfish for being so ecstatic for hearing those words from her mouth, yet not having the sense to say anything back, let alone show that I was shocked from her spontaneous confession. Selfish for needing to hear her say those words to me, wanting. Maybe I wasn't shocked. Maybe that's why I didn't say anything back to her. Maybe I've known how she's felt all along, simply because I feel the same way. Is that possible, let alone reasonable? Is reason required for how you feel? The heart wants what it wants, sure, I get that, but what if what you want is out of your reach? Part of me couldn't answer her in the library that day, and if that makes me selfish for storing my own feelings, then that's exactly what I am; selfish. Maybe she didn't want an answer to begin with, for the mere thought of rejection.

Or maybe, we're both just as afraid as one another. Fear.

She's awake now, I can tell as I'm still sitting next to her on the bed. She's not saying anything, and I don't blame her. "Luke…" Her voice is cracked, and I notice single tears rolling down her cheeks. Turning to my side, I gently hover over her, my forearms providing support. Her face turns to the side and the sunlight immediately picks up the color of her hair. She's avoiding my glance, even as I find myself inches away from her, kissing away each escaped tear. "Why didn't you tell me?" She whispers, barely able to be heard.

"I didn't want you to be scared for me, or feel sorry for me."

My face backs away as hers turns back to face me. "That's what friends do, Luke, they're there for each other. Did you really think I'd treat you any differently?"

"Can you really lie and say you wouldn't have?" Answering questions with a question. She was already silent, and her head cocked back to the side; that was my answer. "Nothing's the same, Peyton. It's not something anyone can just forget about." I tried grabbing her attention. "It's always going to be there."

"I could've helped you."

I saw another tear slip from her eyelids and gently turned her face to mine. "You already have, alright? More than you think…" She nodded, a small sigh escaping her lips as I placed a kiss on her forehead.

"You're going to be okay…" She whispered softly.

"I already am." My hand brushes along the side of her face discreetly. "I don't want you to worry about me, alright?"

"I have to." Her eyes catch mine, and I'm lost. They're a reflection of mine, every emotion I'm feeling, I see in her eyes. "Who else knows?"

"Haley and Dan…" I see her face become confused, "Long story about how he knows…" She nods in understanding, and I silently thank her for not pushing the subject.

"What about your mom?" I shake my head, and her face turns. "Luke, you need to tell her."

"I know."

"And what about basketball, I mea-"

"Peyton…" Cutting her off, "I know. I just need time."

We both fall back into silence, and I can't help thinking about Keith, thinking about what Peyton said to me just last night. She was right, she was always right. She knew how it felt to lose someone you love.

* * *

"_How could you do that, Luke? You've just realized how hard it is to lose someone, and you've been putting everyone who loves you in that same position? The chance of losing you?" Her eyes were filling with tears. "How could you do that…"_

_

* * *

_"What're you thinking about?" Her voice interrupted me, and I looked toward her slowly.

"How do you do it?" I asked simply.

"Do what?" She looked back at me, toying with one of my hands which lied comfortably against her stomach.

"Get up everyday when you know it'll hurt just as much, if not more, as the day before…" My eyes were itching to tear, break down again like with my mom.

"Because that's how you know you're healing."

"I didn't mean what I said, Peyton, a while ago…when I said I wished I hadn't have gone back into the school." A tear slipped away, and I didn't try to stop it.

"Lucas, I kno-"

"No, because I wouldn't take anything back from that day, as bad as the outcomes were." I looked into her eyes which were crossed toward my comment. "Even you being shot in the leg…" Her eyes were more confused than ever, and had good reason to be so. I caught her lips against mine and felt her hands slip easily through my hair. I didn't want to pull away like the times before, and was glad when she didn't pull away as well. Hovering over her, one of my hands cradled her face gently as I broke apart. "Because then you never would've told me you loved me."

She pecked me on the lips briefly, placing my forehead against hers. "I don't want to rush this…" I felt her heart beating under my hand and nodded.

"I know." I whispered, my forehead still on hers. "I just wanted t-"

"I know."

I stood up from the bed and helped her up, watching as she disappeared behind her bedroom door after telling me where she was going. She told me I could stay, so I did. I slept, finally having a clear enough mind to be able to do so.

* * *

"Karen?" She knocked on the door slightly, and saw her coming from the back of the house. 

"Peyton…" She walked toward her slowly as Peyton's arms wrapped around her.

"I'm so sorry…" Peyton pulled herself away, "But I need to tell you something."


	11. A Game, or Me?

**Alright, I don't really like this chapter too much. I just didn't really know where to take it after the first portion. But I hope you enjoy, and I'll update as soon as I can. Thanks once again for everyone reviewing and reading.**

**Love, Emily**

* * *

"Listen, I know you're mad at me right n-." 

"Really?" His voice cut her off harshly, coldly. He was yelling before even fully into her room. "So you knew I'd be pissed and decided to tell my mom anyway?" He arched an eyebrow at her, never thinking of wanting to yell at her. Thought was erased from his mind, at least as of right now.

"Luke-."

"Is it just me, or do I remember lying right on this very same bed just this morning, telling you I'd tell my mom when I was ready?" She didn't know what to say to him. "Is that a no? Because I could've sworn I told it to someone I trust." His eyes had a different shade to them than usual; the warmth now covered by an eerie dullness.

"Lucas, I'm sorr-."

"Don't say it, Peyton. You're not. Just like you said to me earlier when I tried to apologize for not telling you about my heart condition." A laugh escaped a gap in his lips, "Which is definitely right on. Because right now, the only thing I'm sorry about is telling you in the first place."

"That's not fair and you know it." She stood up to face him, tears threatening her eyes of falling.

"Really? You want to talk about being fair, Peyton? How is my mom not allowing me to play basketball, the one thing that makes constant sense in my life, fair? Enlighten me." His voice was strong, on the verge of yelling at her. "How would you feel, Peyt, if you found out for whatever reason, you couldn't draw anymore?" He calmed down to ask this particular question.

"If that reason could cause my life to end? Then I'd stop, Lucas. It's common sense." She stared him straight in the eyes. "You have a lot of people who care about you."

"Oh, you mean people who have no problem going back on their word?" Tears were slipping through her eyes at his tone, his voice.

"Maybe I thought it would hit you that you had a chance of dying, Luke. I knew if I told your mom, she'd make you stop playing, something you haven't been listening to me about. You're lucky, Luke, you are. You have a chance to fix this. Not everyone gets that chance. My mom didn't, okay?" His shoulders dropped, and his face seemed to soften. "She didn't get to take a pill everyday for her own life. She didn't get to watch me grow up, graduate middle school, see my first cheerleading competition. She missed out on everything, and she'll miss anything else I end up doing with my life. You ask how do you think not being able to play basketball feels? I don't know, I can't know. But how would you feel if someone you loved died knowing you could've stopped it from happening? I'm not going to go through that if something bad were to happen to you from not taking your medication." Her tears were coming faster, keeping her distance away from him. "I wasn't going to sit there and wait for you to decide when to tell your mom. That's another game you're playing, and I'm not going to watch you lose. I'm not going to lose you."

"Pey-."

"So, fine, if you really think I did this to hurt you, then you should just leave. If you're sorry for telling me, then I'm sorry for caring." She stared at him, waiting for any kind of answer, really. Nothing. Her head shook disapprovingly, "Your stuff's on the chair." She motioned her hand toward her computer desk before heading into her bathroom, slamming the door loudly behind her.

He stood still for a few moments, taking all of her words in. She was right, but he was still mad. Saying he was sorry would be a lie because in a way, he wasn't. She betrayed his trust, and although she may have had good thought behind on why, she didn't have the right to, at least in way of his thinking. It wasn't long before he disappeared behind her doorway, heading down the stairs and out the door.

* * *

Peyton spent the next few days for the most part, by herself. Haley came by once, and she was soon enlightened of everything Lucas had accused Peyton of. She had no intention of calling him as the weekend progressed, and she had no intention of talking to him as school started back today. She hadn't seen him since he left that afternoon, and as of right now, she didn't want to. He hurt her, again, and this time, it had nothing to do with Keith. It was just him, and it was how he felt about her. 

"Hey!" She cocked her head to see Haley walking toward her with a smile plastered against her lips. Peyton didn't share the same enthusiasm, especially not now.

"Hi," She gave off a fake smile before turning her attention back to her locker.

"Still nothing?" Peyton shook her head no.

"I don't really want to talk about it anymore." Haley nodded in understanding, not really sure what else to say. "I just didn't really think it'd bother me so much, you know?"

"You care about him, Peyton, it's going to bother you."

"Well he doesn't seem to believe that." She looked toward Haley after grabbing her books. "Listen, I'm just going to head to class a little early, I'll see you after school?"

"Sure."

Haley watched her walk toward her class, noticing that she walked into the girls bathroom instead. She sighed and turned her head, noticing the one person she needed to talk to at the end of the hall. Lucas.

"Hey, it's been a while, huh?" Her arms wrapped around him, his doing the same to her small frame.

"So go ahead…" His words confused her.

"What are you talking about?"

"Go ahead, talk about Peyton, I know that's why you're here." He caught her, like always. Best friends always knew. Always, not just whenever convenient.

"I just don't see why you're not sorry, Luke, you hurt her."

"And what she did was okay?" His eyes squinted down at her.

"Lucas you accused her of basically purposely trying to ruin your life. How could you think she'd do that? She loves you, in case you're too stupid to see it." Her voice was raising with each word. "Sorry, I didn't mean to say stupid…no, no, in fact, I did."

"Haley I told her to give me time!"

"All she did, Luke, was beat me to your mom. Ever since I found out about your condition, you have no idea how many times I came close to telling your mom. Does that make me untrustworthy too? Does that make you regret me knowing about it?" She pulled him toward the lockers, out of the middle of the hallway. "She loves you just as much as I do, Lucas, I've just had to deal with you longer."

"Hal-"

"And about her giving you time? Don't you think she's lost enough people in her life? Time's not something she's going to risk over a stupid game." She cut him off as his lips tried to talk. "No, Lucas, it is, it's a game. I know it means a lot to you, but what means more? Your life, or a game? Peyton, or a game? Hell, me…or a game." He stayed quiet, surprising her for the fact she may have gotten through. "Not playing basketball isn't the end of the world for you Lucas," she grabbed his face gently in her hands, "but not taking your medication is."


	12. Trying to Get Back

**I'm sorry for the wait. Major writers block. Once again, it's SUMMER! Therefore, more updates from me.**

**Love, Emily.**

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**Day one.

"Welcome back P. Sawyer," she felt a hand graze across her back briefly and turned around instinctively to see Brooke walking past, looking back toward her with a small smile on her face. "Alright everyone, let's get started!" Brooke's voice traveled through the gym as the group in front of them began stretching. "Peyton, I don't want you doing anything yet, just watch to see if you can try to get the new stuff we've done learned."

"Welcome back Peyton…" Bevin and Haley both smiled at her before turning their attention back to what Brooke was directing them to do.

Peyton nodded in response with a smile and took a place on the bleachers, watching the squad do what she had once taken for granted, something she wished more than anything to have back. Something she needed to have back, the only certainty she had left in her life had become cheerleading. It was no longer Brooke, and it was no longer Lucas. Both of those were screwed up, only one, Brooke, slowly becoming more manageable while the situation with Lucas seemed to be doing nothing except worsening. Neither of the two knew what to say, and neither of them saw themselves at enough fault to have to apologize.

She heard the gym doors open, followed by the voices of some of the basketball team and looked over toward the sound. Nathan immediately caught her eye and smiled, Peyton soon after returning his welcoming gesture. She found herself staring, thinking about Lucas, dazing off into her own thoughts on how basketball had just altered the one thing she wanted-Lucas. That was until she saw Lucas walk out as well, dressed and ready to practice. Their eyes locked as she stared at him, hurt, disappointment crossing into her expression. He always saw through her eyes. His expression was blank, and it remained so until he saw her gather her things and begin to leave.

"Peyto-" Slam. Brooke looked over toward Lucas before turning back to her squad, partially annoyed at her seeming lack of dedication. They were the only two that even noticed she left, but Lucas was the only one who knew why. He was the one who caused it.

"Coach, I'll be right back, I forgot my wrist guard in my locker."

"Five minutes, Scott, or you're running laps!" Lucas nodded and took off out the doors he had just seen Peyton leave from.

"Peyton!"

_Just ignore him, _the thought circling her head, at the same time, just wanting nothing more than to run back to him, like everything was okay.

"Peyt-"

"What do you want, Lucas?" She forcefully shoved his hand off her arm as she turned around to face him. Silence. "You know what, I don't have time for this bullshit, and since you don't listen to a damn thing your mom or I say, then just go back to practice."

"Why are you still pissed about that?"

"You know what Lucas, seriously, just go back to practice, and when you end up in the hospital, you can just blame me for that too since everything that has anything to do with your heart condition seems to be my fault!" Her tone was harsh and bitter, somewhat surprising him.

"I don't blame you for anything except the fact that my mom knows now! You assed your way into something that was my deal, not yours."

"Oh, right, watching you slowly kill yourself would have absolutely no effect on me!" Sarcasm filled her voice, also at the same time trying to fight back tears. "Wake up, Lucas, and grow up. I can't believe you'd still be this selfish after you've heard Haley and I talk to you about this, both worried about you, and after your mom specifically told you to stop!" How could he be so clueless. "And how could I have assed my way into something that you told me!"

"Yeah and you ran off to my mom after I specifically told you to give me time! Now who's selfish? You want to point fingers, then quit fucking pointing them at just me. Do you think I don't know what I could be doing to myself by not stopping basketball?" He was yelling at her, in the middle of the school parking lot, and he was already past five minutes.

"Then stop, Lucas! It's simple!"

"That's bullshit and you know it." He slammed his fist into the back of her car in frustration.

She stared at him with glassy eyes before pulling out her keys and getting into the driver's seat.

"Great, just fucking leave…that's great, Peyton." He turned away from her quickly, nodding slowly to himself. She started the car and drove off quickly, leaving him staring behind her, wanting the same things she wanted when he first began chasing after her. Just wanting to be able to hold her again like before. Just wanting to erase his heart condition.

For it all to be _normal._

_

* * *

_  
He walked back into the school, slower than he should have, imagining how many laps he'd be running soon, more so thinking about Peyton. He was way over five minutes, and having an unknown heart condition to Whitey wouldn't enable him to go easy on the numbers. When he got to the gym, the team was running their own laps, while Whitey was standing next to another familiar face---Haley.

"Lucas, we need to talk." Whitey called after him and began walking into his office.

Lucas froze, stared at Haley, saw the expression on her face, and walked after Whitey toward the office, never leaving Haley's glare.


	13. All You Wanted Was Somebody Who Cares

**Thanks for the reviews guys. I can't say enough how much I enjoy getting them. Hopefully, I'm doing better with the updating thing since I have some ideas for what I want to do next. Lucas and Peyton are going to be on non-speaking terms for a while because I don't want them to just "kiss and make up." But stick with it because personally, I love writing them arguing. That's horrible of me to say, but I love it. So much comes out. So I hope you enjoy these next few updates since this fic will probably be coming to an end in about 3-6 chapters.**

**Love, Emily**

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"You wanted to see me, coach?" He knew what was coming, but he didn't want to believe it.

"You want to explain what these are?" Whitey placed a small tube a little less than halfway full of its original contents, the same one Peyton had found just nights earlier. "Or should I just bring Haley in here to tell me everything? Thank god someone has some damn sense for you since you seem to lack it!"

"Maybe they're Haley's pills."

"Haley come on in here…" Whitey stared Lucas down as the brunette walked into the office to face Lucas. "You want to try that again? Lying to me isn't your best choice, Lucas because if you don't tell me, I'm sure your mother would love to."

Lucas eyed them both, switching between the two before looking down at the small bottle of pills in front of him. He was caught, this was it, and he struggled to find the words, "I have a heart condition." He saw Whitey's expression soften, and his arms dropped simultaneously. "And this is exactly why I didn't want to tell you…" He backed up away from the two of them, his arms thrown above his head as Whitey called after him. He ceased once the door slammed and turned his attention back to Haley who had tears silently falling down her cheeks.

"He'll come around…" Whitey patted her shoulder lightly, getting a nod from her as they both began walking out into the gym.

* * *

"I saw you cut out of practice early today," Nathan appeared in her doorway and made his way toward where she was seated comfortably on her bed. 

"It's not like I'm much use there anyway."

"Well you're not much use anywhere, Sawyer, but that doesn't stop you from doing any of those things." She grabbed a pillow and hit him softly, a smile fighting her expression. He took the pillow from her and sat down, "But I also saw Lucas cut out after you." His tone escaped away from sarcasm, and she looked down toward the papers in her lap. "What's going on with you two?"

"Nothing." Two days ago, and that would've been a lie, but as of now, it was nothing but the whole truth.

"Whitey told us about his heart condition today, and I assume you knew about it." She looked up at him and nodded.

"I was the one who told Karen, and he's not speaking to me because of it."

"All I know is he was really upset when he took off out of that gym-"

"Wait, how does Whitey know?" She cut him off, confused on how they even got on that subject.

"He and Haley walked out of his office together, so I guess she knew and just built on what you already accomplished with Karen." Nathan looked toward her hands, trying to see what was within them, but she hid it more so from his sight after catching him staring.

"Maybe now he'll see." Her voice was soft.

"Like I said, I've never seen him that upset before, Peyton, not even that day the school opened back up." Nathan made sure she was looking directly at him as he spoke. "And I also know that you're the only one who's going to be able to talk to him."

"Didn't you hear me? We're not speaking." Tears were threatening her eyelids again. It hurt her to know Lucas was hurting, but it hurt her even more knowing she couldn't help.

"Peyton, he'll never stop speaking to you." Nathan cupped her face with one hand, "So just think about it, alright? Just go see him."

"What if he yells again? I can't take that shit again from him."

"What if he doesn't…"

* * *

"Hey! You're home…" Haley skipped over to him, throwing her arms around his neck after giving him a quick peck. "You okay?" Her hand brushed through his hair while the other held his face, rubbing his cheeks lightly with her thumb. 

"Whitey told us about Lucas, and I'm just worried about him, that's all." He kissed her lightly in reassurance. "Hey, uh, when you told Whitey today…" He caught her attention as she nodded for him to continue, "who else knew at that point? About his condition I mean."

"Well it was just me and Dan, but then Lucas told Peyton, and she told Karen."

"Wha-Dan? He knew?"

"Yeah, that's what Peyton said earlier." She looked up at him in confusion, "What's the matter?"

"Haley, I'll be back soon…" He grabbed his coat off the chair and headed out the door.

* * *

_I could just go see him, _the thought circled her head as she remained seated in the same place Nathan left her in. She finally gave in, grabbing a sweater before heading out of her room. She was down the stairs quicker than usual, and she opened the front door in the same sense of hurry. Her hurrying stopped when she saw the very same person she was just about to see, walking up toward her house. Simultaneously, they both stopped where they were, not sure what to do. They both wanted to see the other, but they weren't exactly sure what they'd do as soon as they got there. 

She looked at him carefully, walking up to him cautiously as his eyes remained on hers. Her arms looped around his neck, and he quickly pulled her close to him, holding her tightly against his body as his head buried against her shoulder. Her hand ran through his hair, her lips kissing the side of his face gently, letting her lips graze across his warmed skin, and it wasn't long before she felt tears soaking through her sweater.


	14. I Forgive You

**I want to thank you guys for the reviews. I'm glad you're still reading this story even though I'm a lazy bum at updating sometimes. Like I said, this fic is winding down to an end, but I'll definitely start another story very soon afterwards. Unfortunately, Saturday, I leave for Princeton for a scholarship program---Junior Statesmen thing. So, I won't be back until early July since I'll be doing college visits in both NYC and MA as well. But, I'll have my laptop with me while at Princeton, so if I'm not bombarded with work to do, I'll update then. I just won't be able to update tomorrow or Saturday. I hope you like this chapter, I was contemplating what to do with it.**

**Love, Emily**

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"Natha-."

"You knew." He walked furiously up to the man he was embarrassed to call his father, "You knew all fucking long, and you let him keep living a lie."

"What are you talking about?" Dan stood up from the table, glaring at his son as he got close to his face.

"Lucas, you know damn well what I'm talking about." His voice was strong, the expression on his face matching its tone. "What if something had happened to him? Huh?"

"Hey, he came to me for help! He didn't want his mom to know, and unlike some other son I used to know, he's obviously dedicated to keeping basketball a part of his life!" Leave it to Dan.

"Yeah dad, way to go," He clapped his hands in sarcasm, "kill the son you didn't want, that'd look really good for the mayor." He began walking away when Dan's voice called him back. "And if he had you as a father, this heart condition would've been welcomed…" He turned back around, "but then again, you gave him that favor by abandoning him." And he was gone as quickly as he had come.

* * *

"Lucas…" Peyton whispered his name after several minutes of standing in the same positions they started with. She didn't want to let go, or feel him loosen his grip around her waist. Security, even when there was no need for it; it was always there when she was around him, cradled gently in his arms. She felt his head lift slightly off her shoulder, his lips soon grazing along her collarbone, upward her neck, leaving behind a warm trail. "Luuucasss…" It rolled off her tongue in a slight purr just before their lips adjoined as one. 

This was better.

"Shhh," he hushed her obligations with another light peck, turning into another, and another. Small moans escaped her lips, and he soon recognized the effect that he had on her was clearly an exact replica of her effect on him. "I love you, God…I love you…" He leant in toward her lips again.

"Lucas…" She allowed his lips on hers for a brief peck, but pulled away quickly.

"I do, and I'm sorry." His eyes were darker than usual, locking with her own as her hands played with certain ends of his hair. "I'm sorry…" He was repeating himself a lot. "I don't regret you knowing, I don't. I just wish you were the only one who had to know."

"Why?"

"Because I know you're the only one who wouldn't treat me any differently." A smile tugged at her lips, and she found herself leaning upward, capturing their lips together once again. She couldn't help falling for him, just as he couldn't help not being able to stay upset with her, for any reason. "I missed this," he pecked her on the lips, "I missed you."

"I missed you too…" She really did. Why she had the constant urge to be around him, why she felt incomplete without hearing his words of reassurance, she didn't know; it scared her, and he knew it. "Stay with me, Lucas." He looked directly into her eyes, seeming to meld the two pairs together. "Stay with me tonight." She had both of his hands intertwined within her own, pulling him toward her house while her fingers danced along his. The door opened and closed behind it, and Peyton soon found herself leaning on the painted wood. Her arms snaked around his neck, pulling him closer, intensifying the kiss more so than it already was.

"Is your dad home?" His eyes remained closed while catching his breath, his hands simultaneously pulling off her sweater on instinct.

"Nuh-uh…" She shook her head quickly, yearning to taste him again as her lips fought for his touch. "Gone again."

"Peyton about earlie-"

"Doesn't matter, not right now…" Her eyes locked onto his, "not now." They shared a small smile before he gently hoisted her onto his waist, her legs wrapping around his torso with ease. Their lips met for the numberless time that night, and he stumbled up the stairs into her room, only opening his eyes slightly when absolutely unavoidable.

As they kiss, the world seems to dissolve around them until they stand alone in the darkness, a single shining light amidst the suffering and chaos that is the only existence they've known together. He releases her from his grasp, standing in front of her, both hearts beating to the same beat. His hands find the end of her shirt and slowly tug at it, pulling it upward until it's fully off of her body and tossed onto the floor. She shivers slightly, from the chill or the moment, she knows not, but ignores it as fast as her heart pounds in her chest. He takes her hands in his own, guiding them to the hem of his own shirt, until it joins her own on the floor beside them.

She can't help but stare as her fingers trail along his now bare chest, her breath catching in her throat as his hands are fully on her stomach. His skin is colder than the skin covering her, his hands also roughed and calloused. He gently pushes on her softened skin, guiding her toward her bed. She falls on first, him soon following as their lips join again. After what seems like an eternity not long enough, she pulls away, all confusion gone from her paled face. He can hear her

every movement, her chest rising and falling with her quick breaths, the flutter of her lashes as she blinks in wonder.

He moves closer to her, placing soft kisses against her neck as her hands find their way through his hair, over his back.

"I love you…" Her voice, a mere whisper as they both become lost completely within one another.


End file.
